Tuesday, August 18, 2009

When Angels Sleep

As you may have noticed, my series Angels I Don't See, has not been updated in nearly a month. Though many "part"s of the story are written I have not posted them for various reasons. Interestingly enough, I have noticed a steep decline in my readership over that period of time as well. I suppose an explanation is in order. Many of you who have followed my blog(s) over the years know that I abruptly stop writing or posting without any explanation whatsoever. Many times in the past, it was due to a relapse or because of some other dramatic event. Thankfully this time my lack of attention to this blog has nothing to do with those things.

Over recent weeks I have been experiencing fatigue, the likes of which I have never experienced before. Doctors and therapists and other professionals who have seen me all have a name for it: Caregiver Burnout. In fact, one therapist, when going over a list of signs and symptoms of caregiver burnout, noted that all but three applied to me. The list, though not exhaustive, is as follows:

  • Being on the verge of tears or crying a lot
  • Feeling helpless or hopeless
  • Overreacting to minor nuisances
  • Feeling constantly exhausted
  • Losing interest in work
  • Decrease in productivity of work
  • Withdrawing from social contacts
  • Increasing use of alcohol or stimulants
  • Nervous habits such as chain smoking
  • Change in eating patterns
  • Change in sleeping patterns
  • Increasing use of medications for sleeplessness, anxiety, depression
  • Inability to relax
  • Scattered thinking
  • Feeling increasingly resentful
  • Being short-tempered with care recipient frequently
  • Increasing thoughts of death

Since that time, all but four apply to me. I quit smoking a few weeks ago (not for health reasons, mind you, but because it was just so damned expensive. And yes, quitting has been hard). Since I do not work (though being Ric's caregiver is a full time job) and do not drink that knocks four of the 17 off the list. And the idea of finding a job is overwhelming (see sign #2). But 13 out of 17 is not good. And, for me, at the top of that list is "feeling constantly exhausted".

So, dear readers, this is not just a post about my woes and how tired I am. It is a request. Over the Labor Day weekend, two of Ric's relatives will be visiting from Saturday, September 5th- Monday September 7th. And I need to get out of town (or at least out of the loft), not because his relatives are coming but because I need two days of peace and quiet and they will be able to watch him during that time.

If anyone in the tri-state area or beyond would be willing to have me as a houseguest for two days, please let me know. Originally I was going to just drive somewhere upstate or possibly New Hope (I heart New Hope), Philadelphia or Pitt and get a cheap hotel room and do nothing but perhaps read and walk and be still. However, after much prayer and counsel (thanks, MF) and the fact that I don't even have enough money for a cheap hotel room, I decided to reach out to you, dear readers. Also, me alone in a hotel room has never ended positively.

Or, if you live somewhere far away and want to fly me, that works as well (I'm kidding. Ok, not really. I will take all offers. I am not below begging ).

I do have some requirements. What's that you say? Why would I have requirements after having the audacity to ask to crash somewhere for two days? Well, here's the deal.

I need PEACE and QUIET. I need a place that I feel comfortable enough to come and go as I please and can sleep (or not) for two days. If that place is in Manhattan, fine. If it's in New Paltz, that's fine as well. But it needs to be peaceful and somewhere I can decompress without worry that I am imposing or getting in the way. Also I am 6 feet 6 inches tall. So unless you have a long couch or an extra bed I would probably not be a good fit.

Another thing, I don't camp. What I mean by that is I would rather be waterboarded than camp. It's just not my thing. I admire those that can (LL and MM) but just like throwing a football (or for that matter, watching a football game), it is not something I can do. My idea of camping includes a concierge and room service (I may be on food stamps, but a boy can still dream).

It also needs to be a place where there is no alcohol.

I know, it's asking a lot. But I need to get away. And bonus for you. You will get to be with, and I quote, "the very famous Jon-Marc McDonald". What more could you ask for?

1 comment:

Lyn said...

Come here, come here! You may sleep all you want. Come here! We'll get you a ticket somehow, some way. You may not want to spend the 2 days you have with your mom, but I would love it!

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